Limbo

I sit in a box; its a nice box but still

a box is a box is a box, not a hill.

Not a hill where I see but a box where I stare-

I stare at a screen that reflects at me glare.

Glare from the sun that shines from behind;

where my back is turned, from there the sun shines.

Of its glowing warmth I'm more than aware

and return at my screen its cold, bitter glare.

The glare of a girl that cannot accept-

neither this, neither that; neither here, neither there.

Not the screen which demands all my presence of mind,

Nor the sun and the breeze that offer me time.

Time that is spent as it should be,

interacting with life, completely guilt-free-

with the cold of the winter and the freshness of spring,

with the heat of July and the colours fall brings.

Why am I not there, with these things that I see,

going by out my window, going by without me?

These are the things that are reasons for birth-

to engage with the world in our short time on Earth.

Yet I sit and I strain every nerve in my brain

while regretting this time that is wasted, in vain.

That I waste turned away from the calling of May,

just doing and working, being productive, I say.

Achieve and accomplish! Work hard and do more!

And do not get distracted, for there is work galore!

Have to win, have to conquer! though what I don't know-

not the sun, or the moon, or the stars or the snow.

Not the things that I love, that make life worthwhile.

Seems enjoying what's here is just not my style.

So I chase after something that I cannot see,

hoping, eventually, that it will find me.

And in the meantime I push, every day, all the way!

and all I win is the feeling that I'm winning today.

which, in itself, is of value supreme,

but missing life for this reason is a pity extreme.

Well time is a-passin, and my question remains;

my dilemma, my trade-off, is forever opaque.

Should I work on and conquer as my frustration grows?

or be part of the world before it lets me go?

And the glare on the screen is beginning to fade,

and still am I torn, and still do I stay...

Here comes a decision for which I'm not prepared-

If I can't have it all, which one can I spare?

If I can't have it all, can I cut off just one?

Can I find satisfaction in just work or just sun?

This I must do, or stay bound to this chair,

for life in this limbo of regret and despair!